i kept getting asked at work
are you okay? of course i
said well it’s just that you
are sighing a lot they told me
oh i said then a manager saw
my cv and asked what i was
doing working at a coffee shop
and if i still spoke languages
and i thought of everything
i had lost when someone
asked why i don’t drink
and i said substance abuse
cost me my only friend
and a house and a kitten
in east africa but even then
i knew it was only a symptom
not a cause i can’t remember
ever truly being happy
except with her and that
was over before it ended
in madness i wouldn’t let go
until it soured and we died
utterly exhaling as i poured
a woman’s coffee and asking
if she needed space i wanted
to die then i think and i sighed
and it was raining outside
and a lone drop went running
down a leaf by the window
falling perfect to the pavement
to explode as all the pressure
was suddenly unbearable
i breathed it in and held it
there behind the coffee counter
looking out the window hoping
this storm would slow and pass
and in the quiet after all
that helpless pain a sunset
would hug the evening sky.
glue
I always thought IN [Strong Looks] the best of the bands that swirled up like sparks when Animal Collective struck the earth. Unfortunately, they rode the strength of those early EPs to a name change and flash-in-the-pan notoriety as Keepaway, then fizzled from the world. Now I can’t find them anywhere on the googles. Though they no longer exist in our dimension, however, IN [Strong Looks] lives on, here, extant in the pseudo-reality that is the bindle.
zombies
“Sandy says that time is running out…”
b-side: damage
A song with the pure ring of truth. It gripped my sadness and squeezed, the first time I heard it and again every time after. The bass line alone is enough to slightly elevate my pulse. But it’s precious to me, that awful feeling, and I savor the richness of it every time.
I used to think about you all the time
I would think about you all the time
Now it just feels weird;
There you are.
The damage is done.
stay with me
a Rod Stewart / Faces song
on waking up to barren trees
so it’s been feeling a bit
out here in the woods
like some kind of pact
was enacted in secret
against me for reasons
i was never informed
not so much a conspiracy
really more like a carelessness
in common everyone forgot
to tell me they didn’t care
anymore because they didn’t
but what if it was a mistake
and suddenly it’s all
oh shit! you’re that guy!
where have you been hiding?
here’s your money let’s go
get coffee and find arts let’s go
to shows and eat brunch and
fuck and be friends these times
are cyclical you survived
it you’re back!
welcome back!
well anyways
i’ll make my arts
and hug them tight
when it gets cold again
out here in the woods
i tell them everything
my arts my little lies
my little friends.
gold dust
Forgive the embed with advertisements, DJ Fresh definitely employs a gaggle of gremlins ready to flag my account if I rip this. Still, it is the rare studio video that’s worth it. That hook. Them ropes. Mm, gold dust.
asap
Doing yoga to Headphone Activist this morning became a sort of melancholic dance. Rain against the windows. Wild.
It’s trap, yes. But it’s also a requiem.
handkerchief tied to stick 