The Sun, Wind, Waves and Sand

big and fat with a floppy hat
obscuring squinty eyes
and a bulbous nose but not
the giant ears the sun is shining

unnoticed in big smears running
down his moley back un-rubbed
sunscreen the wind
is light and refreshing

ambling duck-footed
down the beach kneeling to inspect
something in the sand the sound
of waves is soothing

the belly folding many times
as he kneels the flabby chest
on display the sand
is soft and warming

and he came to this beach alone
and he laid out his towel alone
and now he is standing alone with
a spiral shell in his hand looking
out over the sparkling ocean

and God almighty,

what a Beautiful smile.

you know when you wake

you know when you wake
with that aimless drunk
you did something bad
guilt and your nose
hurts and you wonder
did i do drugs?
did i get hit?
did i hit myself
on something again?
there’s blood in my snot
in the shower though i think
this time it wasn’t drugs
i’m pretty sure i shamed
myself squinting i get hazy
memories of making out
with a married girl-woman
on the floor by her passed
out boy-husband hugging
a tub of wine i’m a mess
without you my nose hurts
and i don’t know why
my self-esteem ebbs and pulses
and swells and flutters
like a shaky heartbeat.

waking on the shore of some distant place

it’s all very simple to begin
you realize you’re floating
in blue sky and so be it but this
soon devolves into drifting
without tether or mooring which
is all well and good until a rumbling
begins behind you and you know
this cannot be good all this rumbling
behind you is growing and gathering
strength and collecting the light
from a sky growing dark as a panic
flame flares in your brain as that
rumble now roars and of a sudden
you’re swept up inside and beset
by great winds you can’t see
the world in chaos just watching
your little feet churn at the air

these poems are crying

the fool road is one of such
rejection on rejection habit
can’t help but form to flinch
to withdraw not submit
to exposure i don’t submit
for publication anymore
and the full ride graduate
MFAs told me no, and no,
———-and no
and my ex-girlfriend
my lost love i reached
out for her in despair
despite knowing full well
what lay in that direction
i reached out in pain
and hope pleading for
something some solace
———-and no, and no,
and no, and no
and the shame from that
wasted weakness and work
a factotum at minimum wage
building other people’s slack
jawed commercial dreams
tried loving that work and no,
———-and no, and no, and
no these poems come out
to my horror not as i try
to live on a joke and a smile
for the beautiful absurdity
instead they come out
when i shatter as cathartic
lamentations when i think
other people would cry
i break and then leak
out this these terrible
poems are crying
my crying
forgive me.

to burn clean and shine

we were going out to buy drugs
walking hungover when a man
on the phone with two girls
skipping next to him said
off-hand “hold hands
when you gallop” and fuck
me they did they held hands
and galloped
and god
i thought exhaling smoke
that’s all i’ve ever wanted.

scrawled on the walls of the box

all over the world i realize
i spend my days craving
solitude like addiction
unfolding my isolation box
but i’m reaching a point
i think finally of madness
after months amusing myself
with loud music and guitar
and bindle blogging music
and anti-depressants
and long video games
and even longer books
until there is nothing left
to read and the games
are uninstalled halfway
and my wrist hurts from guitar
which i can still barely play
and the bindle has slowed
to a crawl and i drink
myself drunk every night
and the neighbor just committed
suicide and i’m lonely
out here on the lake
writing poems like bad diary
entries on this beautiful lake
where i do yoga every day
with no car and no means
of escape it’s addiction
this solitude i can’t escape
it i always come back
to my box it’s exhausting
out there in the world
but here too in a way
a different way a missing
something always way
a guilty squirming doubting
way an addict’s way
which i am
in my head
in myself.

Let the love inside you die

“Let the love inside you die;”
rise above your station–
I know, I know, I try.

First we ask the question why
to chip at its foundation.
“Let the love inside you die.”

Then climbing up we seek the sky
and burst our lamentations–
I know, I know, I try.

Chin up, my child, we do not cry,
we chant our invocation:
“Let the love inside you die.”

We ride the wind, we close our eyes;
we lead the congregation–
I know, I know, I try.

All that pain and still you lie
to raise the dead sensation:
“Let the love inside you die–”
I know, I know, I try.

wings

She is running
I try to catch up
I am running with her
We are talking,

“Did you see the news?”
“No,” I say.
“It’s horrible.”

She is running faster
Than me so I yell,

“Emma, wait!”

She closes her eyes
She starts to pull away
I can’t keep up I gasp
and clutch my sides

She leaps off the end
of all that she loved–

I gasp and clutch my sides.

why won’t you be what i need you to be

this poor guy is losing it
a whole world he believed in
as she rips her way upwards
towards a light he can’t see
ripping right through him
through their marriage
which opened with her eyes
and her mouth and her legs
and little bits of her heart
and though he tells her okay
tells her he wants to explore
other women he really wants
her just to be what she
no longer is or never was
what he needs her to be
and i know this because
i’ve both been that poor guy
and fucked his wife’s mouth.

shadows dancing underground

if i could just leave it alone
call it quits on the digging
this doing of a real thing
right that would be ideal
there is no money in this
hole that i dug i just dug it

dug it with all of my might
then found myself in it
and if that doesn’t matter
if that caring doesn’t matter
well i’m learning to love

it down here in this place
of earthen walls and sculpted
arches and candle-lit caves
and dancing shadows that sing
as i sing and dance as i dance
across the mosaic floors.

the forces that move you

drift along little log
go where you’re going
nobody is expecting you
to be anything you’re not
like a thing making choices
you just drift little log
on the eddies and currents
the forces that move you
so wonderfully apparent
nobody calls you angry log
or uselessly depressed log
nobody councils you on how
you are drifting incorrectly
you just go little log
for you there is no regret
and if you were conscious
in there screaming, well
it would be just the same.

To Seek a Shining Stone

Though I am lost in lightless ways
where the sun has never shone
still I walk while I am able
looking for my stone.

And when the moon is in the sky
and its light reflects my own
then I sing for I am able
lonely, yes, but not alone.

For what are we but darkened dreams
and lights that should have shown
if we are naught but here and now
then now we shall be known.

So walk with me this moonless night
through darkness thick with moans
and I will help you raise your light
and we will find our stones.

what i’ve got and i’ll keep

how can it be that i sit still
in these trances adjusting
this bit and that trimming
changing reverting tweaking
everything again and again
until one last keystroke
one last pencil eraser mark
and a period and i think
it’s done and it is, it is!

and yet then there is nothing
beyond that feeling that
little moment at the end
and so what do it better
or stop caring but i can’t
it’s what i’ve got and i’ll keep
doing it here by myself
because i have nothing else
and sometimes it’s very pretty.

if you truly don’t want me

i won’t cry but i’ll go
to the glaciers at the end
of our time and they’ll cry
for they loved us to rise
as they wash out again
the sad waste of it all
i’ll float in the stillness
of a thousand years of ice
until nothing remains
but a sunset on waves
and that endless horizon
will disappear in the dark
and i’ll pick out a star
in the black of the sky
flowing up from the sea
and i’ll swim.

a note and everything

he quit everything last night
this neighbor i didn’t know
him at all saw him once
for the first time last week
hunched and fat heard he paid
his rent in crisp twenties
used to work at the bakery
downtown quit or got fired
who knows something he had
with him i saw a blonde girl
friend in that house shut up
inside every day i saw her
often in passing off to work
maybe but him just the once
walking slowly along the dock
and then her sitting there
in the morning on the lawn
crying as cop cars flashed
their lights uselessly.

In a Perfect World

In the darkness at the top of the world is a cave.  Inside this cave, beneath the billowing snow, a series of spidering corridors slope miles down into the earth.  Follow them down, avoiding the dead ends and hidden gaps that drop off into sudden bottomless darkness, and you arrive in a huge vaulted chamber.   A long line of hewn steps lead upwards to the far wall.  There, in frozen silence, lies something entombed in the ice.  Something long dormant.  As you watch, it opens its eyes.    

Franklin awoke in a sweat.  He shook his head, rubbed his face, and went to take a shower.  Soon he was seated in a coffee shop with a large mug, an open notebook, and a pencil in his hand.  His mouth had bunched at one corner and his tongue peeked out as he worked.

“That’s not bad.  What is it?”  Franklin looked up and found the owner of the voice.  She wore glasses, had pale white skin and long red hair.  She was pretty, but what attracted his attention were her eyes.  Curious and alert and green as salad leaves.

“It’s a face from a dream I keep having.”  He showed her the notepad.  There was a sunken, skeletal face on the page, done in pencil.  She studied it for a moment, tugging at her hair.

“It scares me,” she said.

“Me too,” said Franklin.

“Why are the eyes the only bits with color?”

“Because that’s how it is.”  There was a pause.  “I like your eyes, they’re like salad greens.”  She looked at him for a minute, weighing that comment.  Finally she stuck out her hand.

“My name’s Abigail.”  He took it.

“Nice to meet you, Abigail.  I’m Franklin.”

“Well Franklin, it’s been weird.  I’ll be seeing you.”

“I’ll be seeing you, Abigail.”

There was blood in the cave.  In the chamber below, where once had been sheer wall, now was a cracked and empty fissure.  On the floor of the cave lay a fox.  Crouched over it sat the creature, looking up, squinting.  The animal whimpered, and the creature bent back to its ripping.  Blood dripped from the fox and ran to collect in a pool on the floor.  Outside the cave, great drifts of snow shifted and fell.  Outside the cave, the wind sounded like screaming.

“I thought I might find you here.”  Franklin looked up from his seat at the coffee shop and saw Abigail.  “Still drawing?”  He looked down at the pad.

“Still drawing.”

“Still dreaming?”

“Still dreaming.”

She took a seat and pulled the notebook from his hands.  He let it go without protest.  Flipping through the pages, her eyes narrowed.  “You’re obsessed.  This isn’t healthy.”

He took the notebook back and closed it.  “What do you do, Abigail?”

“I’m a sort of permanent temp.  Answering phones, word processing, filing, that sort of stuff.  It’s terrible.”

“That’s not what I meant.  In a perfect world, if you could do anything, what would you do?”

She thought about that for a while.  “You know, I don’t know.  I always wanted to be rich.  Being rich means I don’t have to do anything.  I guess that’s it, I would do nothing.”  She laughed.  “What about you?”

Franklin met her gaze.  “I would do something great.  Something perfect.”

“Something great, huh.  Like what?  Like composing a masterpiece?”

“Could be.”

“Like saving the world?”

“Could be.”

“Some people say Hitler was great.  Not good, you know, but when you look at what he did, all the people he killed, all that power.  Great.”

“Yes, that’s a kind of greatness.”

Abigail looked at him.  “You’re weird, Franklin.  Did I say that yet?”

“Yes, a couple of times.”

“Well, I gotta go.  Good luck with greatness.”

“Thanks.  Good luck with nothing.”

She gave him a wry look.  “Yeah.  Thanks, dick.”

“I’ll be seeing you, Abigail.”

The creature was working.  Bones littered the floor of the cave, and a layer of frozen blood lay black on the ground like a carpet.  The creature sat on its haunches, fashioning something of the bones, binding them together with strips of sinew and tendon.  As each segment was completed it was jointed to the others.  In the endless night that was this place, something began to take form in the darkness.    

“Put that down, I want to show you something.”  Franklin closed his notebook and stood up.  Abigail took his hand and led him from the coffee shop.  They walked a few blocks in silence, hand in hand.  Then Abigail stopped.  “There.”

Franklin followed her gaze and saw the pillared facade of a famous hotel.  He gave her a quizzical look.  “Inside,” she said.  She tugged him in through the swinging doors.  The lobby was massive, with marble floors and a large fountain in the middle.  She pulled him through and past the fountain, and there before them was a grand piano.

“They let me play sometimes, when nobody is using it.”  She let go his hand and went and sat on the bench.  Holding her hands up before her, she wiggled her fingers.  “Ready?”

“Ready,” Franklin said.  She closed her eyes and began to play.  It was beautiful.  She played like one born to it, effortlessly, years of practice dissolving before his eyes.  Time slowed and distorted, he had no idea how long she played for.  When it was over a warm sadness washed over him.  “That was beautiful, Abigail.”

“Thank you.  Now take me home.”

“Why?”

She smiled.  “Because I want to see yours.”

The creature sat on a throne of frozen bones.  The storm outside howled and lightning lit the sky.  Tremors rocked the earth as the ground rent and buckled underfoot.  Its skeletal jaws cracked open impossibly wide, and a churning inky darkness came flowing from its mouth.  The darkness filled the cave, teetered for a moment, then rolled squirming over the edge.  As the wind screamed and raged, it poured out into the world.

without pause or remark

the snow falls steadily on
the cars that have been here
for some time in this ditch without
sound without movement without
notice the snow falls steadily on
the skid-marks on the pools
of blood on the little one that was
thrown clear and broken the snow falls
steadily on this place that will soon seem
as two snowy rocks sitting sagely
beside the road but the snow does not
care for appearance does not
admire its work the snow
merely falls steadily on.

chasing cotton fluffs

the little fluffs
of cotton float
upon the gentle
autumn gusts

the fragile hands
of human flesh
reach to grasp
the little fluffs

the moving air
from moving hands

sends the fluffs

away.

Life: a listless re-enactment

We go out to dinner
I pull out her chair for her
We chat pleasantly
I pay the check

We go back to my place
I open a bottle of wine
We drink together
I lean in and we kiss

We move to the bedroom
I undress her and myself
We fuck, she moans
I fall asleep

The televisions in every room
play the same thing
on mute:

a man and a woman are sitting down to eat.

the man pulls out her chair.

Over Hill and Autumn Hollow (Through the Lands of Men)

Once there were two bears in a part of the world where man had not yet come.  Bears are scarce and lonely creatures, but somehow these two found each other.  They shared a cave and the boy bear slept with his head on the girl bear’s flank.  Outside there gurgled a cold stream, full of fish.  In the meadow there were berries and down the mountain there was honey.  They were happy.  Then man arrived.

First in great trucks they came to clear the trees.  Then in smaller machines to lay smooth black paths through the forest.  Then in station wagons with wives and children.  They came and they stayed.  In time the birds fled, the smaller animals disappeared and the forest grew quiet but for the sounds of the great machines.  The bears, for the most part, took no notice.  They fished and foraged and the boy bear slept against the girl bear’s flank as before.  Then one day the boy bear was pulling fish from a stream and he stopped and raised his snout.  There was a scent.  He turned and saw them.

Two men, wearing red and black flannel, stood watching him.  They carried shaped sticks.  In that soundless quiet they stood, looking at each other, for what seemed a long time.  Then one of the men raised his stick and it barked.  There was a flash of light and the boy bear felt something sharp bite him in the shoulder.  He roared.  He charged.  The fury was on him and the world dimmed to one fast-approaching face.  He destroyed it.  He took the head.  When the red mists cleared the other man was gone and he stood looking down at the gory mess.  Then he went home, laid his head against the girl bear’s flank and he slept.

The next day they were fishing their stream together when the net came down.  The boy bear was trapped and the fibrous ropes defied the rending of his claws.  The girl bear, panicked, tried to bite through his bonds.  Many shaped sticks barked at once and she reared up in pain.  The sticks barked again and swarming with burning bites she turned and ran.  She retreated to a safe distance where she watched the men drag the boy bear away.  That night she slept alone on the stone floor of their cave.  Her bites itched and her bare flank was cold.

The boy bear awoke in a large enclosure.  There was grass and there were trees and a man came each day to feed him dead fish from a bucket.  He passed many days here.  It wasn’t terrible, but neither was it good.  The days here felt unnatural, he missed the girl bear and he missed the freedom of the forest.  One day he looked at the outer wall of the enclosure and really saw it for the first time.  All day he sat looking at it.  When night fell he scaled a tree and leapt to the top of the wall.  His claws scrabbled on the hard surface, then found purchase.  He hung there, an odd sight, then slowly pulled his bulk up and over.

He landed on the other side in some sort of nightmare.  Everywhere and everything was the smooth hardness that man had brought to the forest.  He snuffled along, looking for a scent, not of the enclosure and not of man.  He found it and followed it to a large, hard box.  There was a glinting in one of the holes in the box and he pushed his snout up against it and peered inside.  There was a man, sitting in a chair, rocking back and forth with an animal by his side.  The man saw him and both paused.  Then the man reached for something.

The bear watched, confused, as the man raised the shaped stick and it barked.  The clear thing covering the opening shattered and he felt the bite.  This time it was his eye.  He roared in pain and confusion and lurched backwards from the box.  Sounds of yelling and commotion came from within as he stumbled down the street, trailing blood from his useless socket.  Lights came on, first yellow in unreal day, then blue and white.  He was surrounded by these lights and they blinded him.  He lurched drunkenly side to side, but everywhere he turned there were lights.  He heard the voices of men and the barking of sticks.  His side lit up in pain.  He ran.

He crashed through the line of men and the first face he saw was a little one.  He roared and took the head.  Sticks barked and he lurched up and forward again.  The sounds of machines filled his ears and the flashing lights were in his eye.  Overhead, a whirring sound preceded the coming of another machine, a flying machine.  This too barked, a terrible rapid barking, and pieces of the smoothness around him erupted in flying chunks.  He charged around a corner and there was the forest.

He thought of the cave, the cold stream outside full of fish.  He thought of the meadow, the tall grass and the honey.  He thought of the girl bear and her warm flank.  He was suddenly very tired.  These pictures flicked one after another through his brain as he gripped the smoothness and pulled for the tree-line.  He made it about halfway.  Then an awful roaring supplanted the earth and everything went black all at once.

After much debate, they took the boy bear, scarred and missing an eye, way, way up into the Northern woods.  A different woods, a far woods.  They took him there, where man had not yet come, and they left his body in a clearing where the song-birds still lived, and where small animals came up to nuzzle him.  In time, he awakened.  He dragged himself downhill, found a stream and ate some fish.  He crawled back uphill, found a cave and slept in it.  The leaves were auburn and gold and a damp chill hung in the air.  In the morning he pulled his battered body to the lip of the cave and looked south.

The girl bear didn’t know what to do.  The autumn days passed and she did her best to avoid the encroachments of man.  Sometimes she caught their scent or heard their machines and always she hid or moved on.  Each night she slept her flank was cold and each morning she rose to an empty cave.  She caught fish, ate berries and honey, and grew full for the coming winter.  With a heavy heart, as the first snows drifted down to re-paint the worlds of bear and man alike, she went to sleep.

When she awoke months later there was a familiar weight against her flank.  She placed a hand on his head and brushed the fur from his tattered eye.  He nuzzled against her as outside the cave the song-birds sang their returning.  She smiled and let him sleep.  It was spring.

you know things

just as candles
wax to dark
call me noah
and this my ark
begin with me
and we’ll depart
you know things
they fall apart

if entropy
must split the whole
if we’ve never
had control
i’d do it all
again of course
from the very start
you know things
they fall apart

so take my hand
in yours i knew
from the very first
that i would know
what it felt like
to feel so much
you burst

that’s all i asked
and what i got
now i’ll be fine
even if i’m not

for i have known
a swollen heart
and you know things
they fall apart.

turns upon the throne

Loneliness, antipathy
and emptiness will flee from me
when empathy has set me free
then I’ll be alone.

Legacy and satisfaction
both will go in black redaction
unity gives way to faction
turns upon the throne.

Lusting, hunger, conquest, greed
on their knees the beaten plead
gods of man destroy the seed
violently sown.

With truncheon rods we cracked the cones
in black and white we won’t atone
lords of nothing broken stones
tugging, tugging at our bones.

this house is magic

so maybe i lied for the protection
of the silent and the defenseless
when i said that only the dairy
products wished to speak to you
for since translating the misgivings
of that cream left on the counter
in the heat all day i have had
no peace from tiny voices yelling

this house is magic that i lied
everything here has a voice the stones
you stacked together want to know
if they’re going back into the trunk
and back up to the quarry
where they came from i did not
have the heart to tell them

this house is magic where the voices
of everything at once are all too much
even the ghosts of things long gone
are speaking up i hear the corduroy couch
wondering where it is i hear the bunk beds
calling tops and bottoms i hear the cream
left on the counter in the sun saying
it’s okay if you want to leave me
out it’s okay just don’t leave me
alone it says

this house is magic and i’m sorry
if i lied i didn’t quite know how
to tell you how i feel about your selling
out this place that is my warm and safe
retreat i didn’t quite know how to translate
all the tiny little voices i have come
to know and talk to by myself living
lonely in their high and secret frequencies
all those voices here it’s hard to tell you
but i’m trying now because you don’t
seem to understand because they’re frantic
shouting pleading that i translate get this
through and i will try because although
the tongues of rocks and beds and chairs
and lawns and lights and lego blocks
and memories and childhood and life
and death and sadness are all different,
in the end they cry out just the same.

Eight Hundred Thousand Applications

I went home and swallowed my pride to live
with my parents at 28 and get a real job
and save and assess marketable skills
and find nothing nobody paying a poet

more than peanuts an hour and that
the government so fine say it do it
fuck it I sat down and worked
hard on eight applications, eight

for six months and two studying
for the GRE and then driving
two hours to Vestal, fucking Vestal
and back in the dark after work taking

their damn test and paying two hundred
dollars and paying 60 dollars
and paying 60 dollars and 60 dollars
and 60 dollars and writing those damn
essays and selling myself bald and editing
and printing and revising and editing
those damn essays and getting through

my days at my government issue desk
job in my government issue office getting
rides both ways from my father
in my brother’s tie trading away
my life and vigor and youth for currency
and spending that exchange on this:

Eight applications. Eight fucking
applications

then up on a chance and flying for free
to Tanzania and this gripless challenge
learning Kiswahili from scratch struggling
with everything food water electricity being

always a pale translucent alien
with a glowing golden light
in my gut and always people talking
to me also always with an eye
on my glowing gut and knowing

that it hurts the alien but one
can simply reach in there
and snatch the treasure that will help
so much and who cares aliens
can always go back to Mars
for treatment to repair
the holes in their glutinous jelly
and being here one foot stupidly
still on Mars getting attacked

through the window of a cab catching
a poor kid pickpocket my head already
back on Mars on a professional path
where I could walk and work in a bubble
a bath of poetry and energy and like-minds
and creative flames no more lone-wolfing

from the mountaintop my dream
life my ambition my head already
reading my acceptance just one not

eight

fucking rejections rolling down together
like bowling pins in a slow building
strike stomp the floor and the last
one falls and here I am and there

is the equatorial sun and palm trees waving
against a grand and vivid sky huge
rolling clouds and I have music and monkeys
and a book of Roman history and a new language

to learn and use and smiling children holding
my hand and writing so much writing always
still to do and I’m young and have the time
now so fuck it fuck pity shit turn it up
and kick and live for nothing

worth doing is easy and you knew that
you know that no one can or will ever
do it for you so fuck it fists up now
shoulders back now it’s just you
and me now so sack up and see

the sky feel the wind wash your laugh
and live to let go do it all now delight

in the struggle let it go go to work
in the rarified air of your mountaintop workshop
with lightning in your hair and gold
in your gut and greatness

when it comes

will be yours.

on bar napkins, in library books, on the walls of public places

i met a good slam poet once
who commanded the room
who told us with his hands
and rising emphasis and pauses
how much he wanted us
to understand how important
it was to understand how
to understand and we did
and we were all greatly
impressed and entertained
but my way has always been
a quiet way i want my words
to be something i can slip
beneath your door or hide
between the pages of your book
my way doesn’t need me
it is its own gestures
its own voice my words
could live without me
full-throated for as long
as there is you– i fall away
i get to fall away
and be shy
and live forever.

faeries

The man was sitting on the bridge looking down at the water when he saw the faery.  It was a little white ball, almost fuzzy, drifting up towards him.  It rose until it was on a level with him and then it stopped.  “What are you doing?”  It asked.

He looked down at the paper in his hands.  “It’s all over.”  The ball of light transcribed a little circle in the air; there was some kind of emotion in the maneuver but he couldn’t tell what it was.

“Are you going to jump?”

The man looked down at the water and sighed.  “I’m tired.  Tired of this, tired of everything.  I’m sick of feeling this way.”

“Maybe I can help.”

“How?”  He squinted at the ball.

“I can free you from that body.  You can be like me.”  The ball transcribed another circle in the air.  The man thought the emotion might be excitement.  He thought about it for a while, the two of them sitting there in silence.  His stomach ached and his chest was tight.  He thought about walking home, about his apartment, about going home and being alone.  He looked up at the ball.  It was hanging suspended in the air, light and ethereal and free.

“If I change my mind, can I go back?”

“Of course,” the ball said.  “You just slip right back in.  Flesh is easy to operate once you know what to do.”

“So, what do I do?”

“Just close your eyes.  Relax.  Let me inside and I’ll do the rest.”  The man closed his eyes and felt the brightness of the ball coming closer.  He took in a long deep breath and let it go slowly.  The light beyond his eyes grew and grew until it no longer felt like it was outside his eyelids.  Somewhere deep inside him a connecting piece of something snapped.  Then another.  Then another.  In rapid succession, restraints he had never known severed and whipped away from a part of himself he had never recognized as his center.  Then it was done.

The light faded and he found himself floating next to the ball, looking at his body.  The head and shoulders lay slumped forward over the paunch and the mouth hung open, slack and gaping.  He was free.  A young couple holding hands came strolling along the bridge.  “What color am I?”  He asked the ball of white light.

“You’re purple!”

He tried moving and found it effortless.  He floated over to the young couple.  “Hey there,” he said.  They stopped and turned to the water.  Looking right through him, they spoke in murmurs to each other.  “Hey,” he said again.  He couldn’t seem to make out what they were saying.  The words didn’t separate or form up together for some reason.

“They can’t hear you.”  The ball of white light was at his side.  “Only the really desperate can see us.  It takes a certain confluence of time and place and person.  That’s why I was so excited to find you.”

“Hmm.”  He thought about this.  Weighed it.  “I feel so light.  What happens now?  What can I do?”

“Ah, you can do this!”

The ball of white light transcribed another circle, then rocketed suddenly upwards.  He made a little circle of his own, then fired off after it.  The two lights blazed up into the night, into the low cloud cover, on through the glowing moonlit vapor, then burst out into the airy ether of the atmosphere above the world, shining purple and white.  The stars winked in brilliance and the moon bathed the cloudy floor below them in light.  He was free.  He tried to laugh but realized he had no voice.  He tried to smile but no longer had a mouth.  Instead he made a circle.  It wasn’t as good.  The ball of white light dropped away.

He looked down and watched it for a second, racing back towards the earth, then he turned to follow.  Back down into the clouds, then through, then out into the low night and on towards the bridge.  He tried to catch up but wasn’t fast enough.  It got there first.

He floated there before himself, trying to think, trying to take it all back.  He tried to get inside but couldn’t.  He tried to yell but couldn’t.  He made a circle.  His body sat there, inert, slouched over itself.  He made a circle.  There was a flash of white light in the eyes, then they blinked and the head came up.  His face looked right through him.  He made a circle.  It crumpled up the paper and threw it off the bridge.  Then it lumbered to its feet and walked away.

He followed as it wandered at random through the city, touching things, licking its fingers.  More than once it stopped for no reason and began to laugh.  Eventually, the panic fading, he gave up.  Anyways he knew where it lived.  Instead he drifted back to the bridge and settled in to watch the young couple.  They looked like they were fighting.  There would be others, he thought.  This would be fine.

monsters

A single hanging bulb illuminates the center of the room, where a man stands in the small circle of light.  Eyes wide and breathing shallow, he studies the darkness beyond his vision.  Spinning slowly, warily, he searches for movement in the shadows.  The camera begins a slow pan out.  It looks down on the vacant adjoining rooms.  Then the whole deserted asylum.  Then the un-worked fields surrounding it.  Picking up speed it looks down on a deserted city.  Still gaining speed it takes in an entire empty continent.  Now it has reached the edge of the atmosphere and stares down at a dark planet.  Growing exponentially faster it reaches the edge of a lightless solar system.  As it reaches the limit of an empty galaxy, the man looks upwards after the tiny receding dot of light.  When it reaches the end of existence, there is a moment of stillness.  Then the hanging bulb winks out.

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