these poems are crying

the fool road is one of such
rejection on rejection habit
can’t help but form to flinch
to withdraw not submit
to exposure i don’t submit
for publication anymore
and the full ride graduate
MFAs told me no, and no,
———-and no
and my ex-girlfriend
my lost love i reached
out for her in despair
despite knowing full well
what lay in that direction
i reached out in pain
and hope pleading for
something some solace
———-and no, and no,
and no, and no
and the shame from that
wasted weakness and work
a factotum at minimum wage
building other people’s slack
jawed commercial dreams
tried loving that work and no,
———-and no, and no, and
no these poems come out
to my horror not as i try
to live on a joke and a smile
for the beautiful absurdity
instead they come out
when i shatter as cathartic
lamentations when i think
other people would cry
i break and then leak
out this these terrible
poems are crying
my crying
forgive me.